Fifty Shades of Chicken – A Parody in a Cookbook

” “Let me relax you,” he continues in a low voice.  “Take a deep breath, Chicken.  Think of a waterfall.”  He positions me on my back on a cutting mat, in a neutral position.  He grasps one of his many blades and traces a gentle line, drawing the tip toward the apex of my thighs, down there.  I feel vulnerable and eager as y legs loosen.  His expert hands to the rest. coaxing my legs wider, wider, until they slack and drop to the mat.  I am indecently splayed, yet so blissed out I scarcely register his fingers sliding into me, until I feel a deep clenching where he’s inserted half a lemon.  Ohhhhh. ”

20150210_111440

If you haven’t figured it out by now, this is the chicken talking.  Talking about her handsome, rock hard bodied chef preparing her for his latest chicken recipe, Spread-Eagle Chicken.  I know you’re probably wondering, what the heck?!  Well, so am I!  This book arrived at the store, addressed to my name, and has me (actually all of us here) in stitches.

20150210_111508

The hilariously written book has 157 pages of delicious looking chicken recipes ranging from “Popped-Cherry Pullet” to “Sexy Sliders”  I have a feeling that this will be a team effort cook book.  Something that Mike and I can use together to make supper, while reading the creative story of a man and his chicken and laughing until our sides hurt.  Or as in the case today, I laughed until I cried.  Did I mention that the man in this story has rock hard abs?  What I would do to be his chicken….  Ha ha.  Perhaps not, but it’s going to make for a good time in the kitchen!

Watch for updates on this blog, I’ll let you know just how delicious these recipes really are!

 

 

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *